There are no easy answers for how to cope with grief and loss. However, the following is a list of suggestions from those who have lived through and beyond the loss(es) they have experienced. Here are some of their thoughts:

• Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can.
• Struggle with "why" it happened until you no longer need to know "why" or until you are satisfied with partial answers.
• Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings but all of your feelings are normal.
• Anger, guilt, confusion, and forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy; you are in mourning.
• It's okay to be angry. Be aware that you may feel anger at the person, at the world, at family members or friends, at God, at yourself. Don't push down anger. Let it out! Hit a pillow, swim, exercise, hit a punching bag, scream.
• You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Remember that very often there was nothing you could have done to control what happened. Guilt is simply a natural part of the grieving process.
• Don't be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.
• Don't be afraid to talk to the person who has died. This is a healthy way to work through "unfinished business".
• Keep a journal. Write a letter(s) to the person who has died. This is another good way to work through "unfinished business".
• Don't be surprised by fear. After a loss, you have many new behaviors you need to learn and many new situations you need to cope with.
• Remember, it's okay to feel depressed. Sadness is a powerful feeling, but it's a VERY important part of the grieving process.
• When individuals are depressed, it's not uncommon to have suicidal thoughts. However, it is very important you not act on those thoughts. If you have more than passing suicidal thoughts, please consult a professional counselor!
• Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting.
• Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk.
• Accept help and support when it's offered.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help; our family and friends can't read our minds. It's okay to need comforting.
• Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.
• Be aware of the pain of your family or friends if they were also impacted by the loss.
• Doing something for someone else can give you some relief from the pain; call a friend and listen, talk to the lonely, do some volunteer work.
• The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.
• If you are grieving the loss of someone who committed suicide, remember, the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another's life.
• If your loss involved the suicide of a family member or friend, know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends or Survivors of Suicide groups. If not, ask a professional counselor to start one.
• Give yourself permission to get professional help.
• Call on your personal faith to help you through.
• Remember to take one moment or day at a time.
• Give yourself time to heal. Be patient with yourself.
• Expect setbacks. If emotions run like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece. Grief comes and goes.
• Try to put off major decisions.
• Set your own limits and learn to say no.
• It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g. headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep.
• REST and REST SOME MORE! Go to bed earlier. Try to eat balanced meals because good nutrition is important to the healing process. Be gentle with yourself; your body needs energy to repair.
• Exercise is important. It provides a physical outlet for emotions.
• Read. There are many helpful books available on the grieving process. Understanding grief makes it a little easier to handle.
• When you are ready, plan things to look forward to (e.g. a trip, lunch with a special friend).
• Holidays can be especially difficult. Schedule activities that you find particularly comforting during these times, and be careful not to overdo.
• Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and even go beyond just surviving.
• Remember you will get better; hold onto hope. Some days you just hang on, but the better days will be back. You will gradually develop a renewed sense of purpose.

Seek help if you have trouble coping. Contact NMSU Employee Assistance Program.